A Funeral Dedication for the Love of Eddie in the Tune of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal

"Eddie are you okay,
Are you okay,
Are you okay, Eddie?
You've been hit by,
You've been struck by -
A Smooth Criminal.."

May you rest in peace, Eddie.

Eddie, our little black panther came into my life a few months back when I saw him wandering around our street and he used to follow me with loud meow responses when I call him "kittie..." then disappears.

I always wondered who owned this cute black cat. Then our neighbor across the street were moving houses. Wendy and Ian informed us that we can get the first hand choice to get some of their stuff that they'll put up for a garage sale. It was too bad that I feel that I am building a good friendship with Wendy and they have to leave. She asked if we love cats and I said I miss my Coffee Cats back in PH and she mentioned about Eddie -- the cat that they took in 8 years ago when he was abandoned by their neighbors who moved out. They were worried about him because they cannot take him with them elsewhere so I jumped (without consulting my beau's approval) and said that we can feed him everyday, no problem. In the end, my beau just said okay.

I thought we will just be "Eddie's feeding station," considering that he's an indie cat who may not like so much affection and attention but his own dominion of space. But I managed to play with him sometimes or hang out and talk with him while I'm gardening. I got some bites and scratches from him at times, knowing that a street cat is more pensive than housed cats.

After a couple of weeks, Eddie became part of our daily lives and routine. He knew when we wake up and come home from work. He knew when to meow for food and when he can hang out inside the house. He became more relaxed, housed feline. It's not long until he captured us deeply. He easily played the part of being my baby, not betraying my Cappuccino and Espresso back in PH.

We said goodnight and put Eddie at the back porch after midnight of 02 September. The next morning, we were wondering that there was no meow from Eddie for his breakfast. He wesn't around for the first time since he became "housed". We tried to go around our street screaming his name and no answer. I was damn worried but we thought he'd come back that night or the next day for he may got into a fight or something. Days passed. We tried to look for him everyday. I tried to call him when I'm at home, hoping that he may come back. I tried to avoid thinking of morbidity and worst-case scenarios and stick to the faith that he's alive and will come back home.

14 September -- It was 13 days and I felt dying inside for Eddie. Beau overheard our neighbor talking about a black cat that was found trapped on the ceiling of a vacant house one street away from us. He joined the conversation and he knew it was Eddie. He was found 3 days before by this family and called SPCA (animal rescue in SG). The guy advised my partner to call SPCA immediately because they usually put down a surrendered animal in 2-3 days.

He called. We waited until the next morning to confirm if we can retrieve him.

The next morning came. My partner broke the news to me through an early phone call.

He was put to sleep. We were too late. Eddie is gone.

I just can't organise myself and I cry in confusion, anger, sadness and illogical logic. I cannot wrap my head around the fact. I cannot think of what more we could've done to find him. It was all should, could, would... it was useless to regret anything. After all it was too late. We tried and failed miserably.

Too many questions in my head. In the end, it hurts so bad. A love that grew fast has to end earlier. I am afraid that I cannot get through the day. My eyes are constantly wet from holding back more tears at work.

But I have to be strong.

I have to let him go. Like what I did with Orange (my 6-month old ginger kitten who died of feline leukemia). I still cry for Orange who passed away in 2006. This will be the same for Eddie. They will always be missed. They left a special paw in my heart.

Eddie, I love you. Have a great life in Cat Heaven.

See you again. No goodbyes yet.

And no regrets.