Popping the Q by Firing Squad

There are so many articles and debates about the word “cheating.” Millions of points of view can sway you here and there with the different spectrum of angles coming from men, women, gays, parents, the church etcetera.

So don’t get me started on this because I am just another teenie voice to the whole universe of thoughts and opinions.

But what is what we call “universally right”?

It is all about the guilt factor for me. Yet, some people acclaim they have no conscience as they do it. Denial is guilt. Reasons why they do it falls into the guilt category too.

This will be a long story of opinions and contradictions so I’ll stop here.

I am just relieved of Bear* (*not his real name) not popping the question yet to his long-term partner after knowing that he’s on his way to Bali tomorrow for almost a week, I needed to confirm if this is a proposal trip in which he said no and it’s for a conference. I felt relieved for him.

Why do I worry? I felt the sense of responsibility knowing Bear is a friend who is not near walking down the aisle yet. Nowhere near.

He’s been given a deadline to either propose and get married or end it. And he’s got 30 days left. It’s now a matter of going with it since he undoubtedly love her but not enough to make him stray a few times within the relationship. Not a third party story but some one-night adventures along the way. How do you call it? Fast thrill cheats.

The woman needed it for status. It’s attached to her culture to be married now at her age of 28 and has been living in with a man and in a relationship for 3 years. She cannot risk waiting so it’s either ‘marry-or-leave-so-I-can-find-someone-else-to-marry-me’ situation. She loves him undoubtedly but status comes first.

I have seen long-term couples who break up because the woman wanted to marry and the guy doesn’t at one stage in their relationship. That’s where everything breaks apart.

That’s pressure. When pressure is too much, it creates cracks.

I am interestingly observing this helix of conscious and subconscious consequences in a real-life comicbook. As I turn the pages, I anticipate what is drawn and said in the next panels. I am afraid for the both of them. As much as I try to look at things positively, I cannot deny the facts. Bear is stuck with the thought that he may be missing something better and looks further without appreciating that the best may just be the one in front of him already. That he is strongly influenced by his surroundings to the fact that men are naturally made to spread their seeds. That as it makes sense that you won’t really get some libido out of your system, therefore, you should continue to harvest. That’s it.

I am excited as well as hesitant to see him in 5 years’ time. These ideals can evolve to something good or bad and shouldn’t be a constant state of being. All I can think of now is to halt his wedding if it occurs.

I am also telling myself: what if the marriage and building a family will make him realise that this is what he wanted? That this is not so bad after all to commit to for the rest of his life? That it will be a blessing in disguise for him to go through the matrimony and turn his life around?

Who do I kid though? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? Cinderella?

I believe that we all have a justification from all choices we make in each outlook that we believe in. Once you set your mind into something, that is what you live by. When you decide that this is one potato, you perceive one potato picture in your mind. There’s always a hole in that justification to alter things but when you’re fully decided that that moment, you are concrete.

It is indeed, attracting the universe. You attract what you want and it happens in different avenues, streets and hallways.

Going back to Bear. He’s got his mind set that he cannot get the thrill of sexual experiences around enough that he will stop because he may tie the knot. His surroundings that are on this act for so long justify the mean that this is an option.

He already ordered a very beautiful, pricey diamond ring from Tiffany’s. Part of the status.

The last time I have spoken to him, things are inconsistent. As much as he fights his conscience, there’s a good, romantic guy in there. It just doesn’t shine through at this time yet.

I hope it won’t be too late for him. Set aside the bullshit timeline.

30 days. I can’t help but wonder. I’ll probably find out through an SMS within 30 days.

I still have good faith in people. But if it’s all about status, then leave me alone.

Baking Flour of a Delectable Dessert Called Love

I just have to write it down.

I have a good mate for years. A guy who is afraid to commit and all he wanted is hot sizzling monkey love with hot chicks that come along. Beyond that, nothing. We had been talking rarely lately but each time we get a chance to talk, same topic. I have moved on from one love story to the other stumbling and winning pinnacles of my life, it is still the same story with him.

I never get bored to listen and converse with him though, because I know that deep inside this guy, is someone who is thinking about something more he wanted and keep on denying that he also needed: someone to love and will love him back. Don't tell me that I am romanticising or over reacting but as a friend, I know better. Not just women think the same. We all are afraid of growing old alone.

He told me one time: "Maybe at some point, I'll find someone who will make me commit." And then the other: "I will never be ready to commit." And then the other: "It's going nowhere but sex is good."

All I hope for is that at some point, he will care enough to admit to himself that this lifestyle is getting tiring. That he won't date for ulterior reasons alone.

So maybe he did.

I saw his Facebook page albeit his status still says "single," I keep on seeing a lot of pictures of him with this woman. I've checked them out and told myself that what I'm thinking "can't be true." But seems like it. Only one way to find out. I sent him a message to ask if that woman in his photos are his "hmmm." He just replied and said "Yup, she's my girlfriend."

I was overwhelmed! The long time I have been hoping for! For 7 years I have known this guy, that G word never ever occurred. I can never be happier!

But I just realised something. Let's measure the flour into two parts:

Sifted

Truth be told, men (or perhaps women) who are commitment-phobic will bend their own rule when that someone comes along. No scientific explanation here but there will always be someone that will knock us off our feet and realise that we have to take this love route and never care about anything else but happiness. That it is worth the risk from leaving your old lifestyle and logic. It is just the way it is. Amazing.

Getting deeper beyond BF-GF stage, some men have their "va-va-voom" moment when they know that this is the woman that they will marry even if they never plan nor think about it ever before. That moment of thunder just comes and captures them. Unfortunately, this never happens all the time. When you know, you know (well, most of the time).

Unsifted

Did my friend really found something special with this woman to finally commit or he lowered his standards and expectations because he realises that his clock is ticking and he's getting old and alone?

Some people resort to "Whatever. I'll just take it even though it doesn't fit well." Because the sale will close tonight. Because the purse is so pretty and it is the wrong colour but you buy it anyway because it is the "in" thing. Because you think that everybody in your group of friends are married but you. Because society said that a small dog in a Louis Vuitton bag are cool though it'll break your bank. Because a sex scandal tape will make you more popular.

Shortchanging won't solve anything. It will make things worse. You don't want to regret anything in your life when you look back.
_________________

I am not saying that you look for perfection anally. All I am saying that you know what fits you. No organised or fucked up society will tell you what to do but you. Besides, the cliche "nobody's perfect" is something to celebrate about. We are all beautifully imperfect and we have a choice. Our own time. Our own real moment.

It's just a little thought to provoke since this is a very interesting topic. I may probably never know what my friend really feels but I hope for the best for him-- that he finally found love and how superfragicalistic it feels.

After all, I care about my friends' happiness. I will always hope for their success, peace, ardor and everything great.