24 September 2007

Unsheltered Rain: Nightmare Traps

My blog should be about my fun. But seems like I cannot for some time....

One blink can change your life entirely. One flicker of light can take your freedom away.

The beginnings of September 19 changed my life forever. I feel broken and crushed with a horrific incident. Let me give you my narrative:

On September 18, 2007 around 845 PM, I met up with my friend Philipp at Timezone Arcade in Greenbelt 3, Makati. As he is normally, Philipp’s mood was cheerful, if a bit hyper, but no indications that he was upset or that anything was bothering him.

We planned to spend sometime at the Arcade but decided to have dinner first so we went down to the Thousand Cranes Shabu-Shabu restaurant. We shared a hotpot and only drank water during dinner. We finished dinner at around 1015 PM then went back up to Timezone and was there until around 1115 PM.

I was tired and decided to spend a quiet and relaxing time at my apartment. Passing along Ayala Avenue, we detoured towards Starbucks at 6750. He bought a Green Tea Frappucino and I had an Earl Grey Tea with Milk to go. We then took a cab to my flat in Westgate Plaza, Salcedo Village, Makati, arriving past midnight.

We spent the time talking about movies. I left him playing with my two cats while I took a quick shower. When I was done, I was showing him some animated flash funnies on my computer. He was seated beside me and we were just laughing at the videos.

He suddenly started complaining about pain at the back of his right ear. I asked him what was wrong and he said that it was an old injury: something that happened at a concert when he was 16 which made that ear very sensitive since then. He was starting to quiet down but we still continued our conversation until he asked me to turn off the flash animation since the music was bothering him. He then lay down on my carpet and said “Here we go again” and, by his facial expression, was obviously in pain. He said that it was because he could hear beeping in his ear.

I kept asking him what I could do to help: if he needed ear plugs, or a glass of water. He was quiet now and lay there with his eyes closed while I repeatedly asked him what I could do. He suddenly sat up and hugged me very tightly and asked that I not let him go. I assured him that I wouldn’t, and thought of just letting him rest silently while patting his back.

Unexpectedly he cries out loudly, wailing though there were no tears. I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect since he normally likes to pull pranks on people. He then starts to say repeatedly: “I’m done. I don’t want to live anymore. Please kill me. I want to die. I want to die.” He’s still wailing, I am trying to keep him calm and asking him what’s wrong, why is he upset and what can I do to help… that I am here to help him, just stop thinking that way.

He then stopped crying but then he now had a blank expression that I had never seen on him before. He now stood up and told me to “do him a favour and kill him” because I was his friend. I told him NO and kept trying to get him to look at me to distract him from thinking of anything bad. Though I kept trying to talk him out of it, he just kept on repeating the words “I want to die”.

By this time, I’m very confused and starting to panic because this behaviour is so unlike Philipp. I begged him to sit down. When he finally did sit down, I then started to reach my phone and call for help when he suddenly stood up, went straight for my window. He opened it while repeating the words “I am done with my life” and tried to slide his torso out of the window. I make a grab for him and try to keep him inside the room. All this time, while struggling to get out of my arms, Philipp was reciting a speech that sounded like it was from a theatre play while his face remained blank and lifeless.

I start screaming and crying for help and keep try my best to pull him in, grabbing arms, legs, shirt, whatever and wherever I can to keep him from falling. I felt his shirt begin to tear and he keeps on kicking and struggling trying to make me let go of him.

Despite my attempts, he overpowers me and he fell and landed on the ledge just outside my window, around 3 feet below the window sill. I tried to call to him but he was then unconscious. Seeing him out cold, ran from the window to grabbed my phone that was around 10 feet away and started calling other friends while also trying to reach the lobby on the intercom.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucketthe window. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucketthe ledge outside my window.

Nobody was answering the phone or intercom so I looked out of the window again to check on him. I then saw that he was no longer on the ledge but was now on the mezzanine/ common area landing, about 10 feet or a floor below the ledge. I saw him facedown on the mezzanine floor, his body facing left and eyes shut. I screamed his name again while still trying to call people on my mobile to help me and trying to reach the lobby on the intercom.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket the mezzanine, 1 floor down my pad

Finally, my best friend Lily picks up and after she hears my panicked story tells me she’ll be over right away. I decide to run down to the lobby and finally find the guard. I beg him to help me save Philipp and to call for an ambulance. I then rushed back to the apartment. I looked out the window he wasn’t there anymore. I was screaming for his name and I was so confused of where he was, worried that he’s so hurt. By this time the guard had arrived at the apartment and he went to the window and climbed onto the ledge. By this time, I was already in shock and was just sitting on the floor, confused and crying and still trying to reach people on my mobile. The guard then tells me to stay put and runs out the door while talking on his walkie-talkie and saying “baka tumalon na!” (“he might jump!”). I just broke down after that, cannot move from the floor.

Some time after that, Lily called me and asked me to come down to the parking lot beside my apartment building. About the same time, the intercom rang. It was the lobby guard and he was telling me to come down and meet them.

It was raining hard outside and I saw Lily, a couple of security and Philipp. He was curled up in a fetal position, murmuring things in German. By now, I’m so terrified by what happened that I can’t even go near him. I also start to feel the pain from the bruises and muscle strain I got when I was trying to keep him inside the apartment.

The ambulance then arrived at around 130 AM and one of the paramedics managed to give both of Philipp’s mobile phone to me. I noticed then an unread message from Jodie, a cousin of Philipp’s so I rang her to tell her of what happened.

I do not understand how or why he snapped. He never told me why.

Philipp is still in the ICU. The parked Ford Expedition broke his fall. He's got fractured ribs, liver, nose and severly damaged kidneys. I have faith in the Lord that he'll survive. He's fighting to live now.

Everyday since it happened, it keeps on flashing back in my head. I keep on asking why. I don't understand any of this. I am also going through the fact that people speculate about this. People are hostile.

You just find real people who care during this time. Real friends who back you up and never let you fall. They do their best to keep you living, like a life support. You won't expect their gallantry until hard times like this come. I cannot exchange that for the world. They're strong for me so I have to keep on treading.

I am in total distress. I am trapped in a nightmare-- trapped in a well of darkness. I do not understand everything. It's only Philipp who can answer this.

I am going back to work tomorrow. I need sanity.

What will happen next? I can't even say it in words what I am going through right now.

Philipp: please get well.

I want to wake up from this.

Help me.

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