18 December 2009

The Prowess Unleashed… again? And Love Letters in a Nutshell (or paper?)

I would just need to put the word that is crawling unto my external environment: PUSSY. Yes, I did say it but what’s new about being blatant?

Pussy is a slang term for a frightful person who’s got no balls to stand up for something and make an impact of positivity, albeit just putting his head under the blanket and shiver with fear. I wish this is just literally purring and looking furrily cute but it isn’t.

There are different factors why we fear something. There’s a valid story behind them. But not every fear has a valid reason for not standing up and making a point if you think you are right and are contributing to a challenge and untie the knots of hurdles. Yet again, individuality sets in. Not everybody, unfortunately, gets it. Not everybody have a fucking idea. It frustrates the ones who get it. The ones who have got the fucking idea.

It all --- time and again, as I always express--- boils down to choices. When you grow up, you pick the good and the bad things that you would like to include in who you are and what you want your life to be. It’s just like iPhone apps. You choose the apps you want or need so you’ll experience your phone a lot better. Some may download apps in excess to what they want; others just don’t care as long as it is cool, while others just have no idea of what apps they will choose because there’s a $0.99 charge on each one of it.

You are really what you choose.

But this does not mean you’ll easily gain respect whatever you choose.

So what now?

I do not have all the answers for everybody but just one thing for myself: I detest pussies in this world.

So okay, this is being dealt with. Take your part and please do stand for yourself. Nobody will if you cannot show that you are taking a stand for yourself.

________________

Romanticism is like a Lego set that you construct as an idea of your vision about these building blocks available to you.

I love love. Romance is a business. Therefore, an unconventional fascination towards who you adore is one of the greatest things that you should live for.

This is the best love letter I have ever received, 29 years of my life.




Having received hundreds of creative ones before, it’s been a while. Emails, chats, eCards, social networking… blah blah blah… replaced the ideas of the craft of old school hand-written letters and highlighted the laziness of expression nowadays.

I’m a big tekkie but I still support traditional media. Convergence is my thing, not killing the mother ship of any idea. It’s the spirit of something that counts.

Back to the letter. I am very protective of my privacy of my relationship but this letter is definitely worth sharing. It is made out of ridicule and silliness but in all ways, I appreciate it. Honest, funny and real. The meaning is beyond what is written. It is made by hand, ink and pen. It is made of a bond beyond fibre. It is binded by trusted love.

You don’t grasp it? Well then, I hope that at least in your life, you can feel what is simple, genuine and true. No taints, no fakes. Transparency of your soul exuberates and influences other people. That is our role that’s why we all live.

13 October 2009

Cracks in the Pavement Monologue

I keep on delaying once more to write and update my blog posts. It's not about procrastination but connection. It seems that whenever I feel like I have something smart to write, I am away from access. My ponder state of being usually happens in commute, walks or anywhere away from technology.

I have to get a netbook then.

Okay. Another material quest goes on. What is new? It seems that we always have a need for something. But is it a part of improving yourself? Upgrading one's material system?

Some people live contented with whatever they have and will only get what they need and avoid the wants. Some just want, want, want, not consoling what they need so it conceals the real things. Who are obssessed with money? The worriers.

I honestly keep on thinking about money. Worried that I don't have enough to get the through the month, the year, the future. I have always been like this even during my fruitful years because I made myself self-reliant, that I 'shouldn't' depend on anybody but myself. The control freak in me just made it so robust that I have to keep up with my focal expectations.

Though being aware of this, it is not too late to change ways. I need to relax more. I am actually okay with everything. It's just that I am not the saving-everything-in-the-bank-and-starve-myself-of-what-life-has-to-offer type. I have enough to pay all my bills on-time, travel as much as I could, eat good food and give myself a few treats at times and most importantly, set aside a fund for my future.

So why am I worried again? Maybe I have to control the control freak in me. My world is great. It is not perfect but I achieved the nirvana before, why can't I continue to do so?

The focal point is happiness. I am going astray through a professional suicide episode. Some things are just not on your side but that doesn't mean you cannot fight for it and go back to where you want to be. I just needed more cranial exercise to challenge myself in the workforce. Nobody will hand it to me so I have to hand it to them. Just sail through the right direction. Flaws will shape your new clay of experience. Seize it and make sure you mold it into a precious porcelain.

You may not know what I am ranting about but that's just the way it is. As always.

15 September 2009

A Funeral Dedication for the Love of Eddie in the Tune of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal

"Eddie are you okay,
Are you okay,
Are you okay, Eddie?
You've been hit by,
You've been struck by -
A Smooth Criminal.."

May you rest in peace, Eddie.

Eddie, our little black panther came into my life a few months back when I saw him wandering around our street and he used to follow me with loud meow responses when I call him "kittie..." then disappears.

I always wondered who owned this cute black cat. Then our neighbor across the street were moving houses. Wendy and Ian informed us that we can get the first hand choice to get some of their stuff that they'll put up for a garage sale. It was too bad that I feel that I am building a good friendship with Wendy and they have to leave. She asked if we love cats and I said I miss my Coffee Cats back in PH and she mentioned about Eddie -- the cat that they took in 8 years ago when he was abandoned by their neighbors who moved out. They were worried about him because they cannot take him with them elsewhere so I jumped (without consulting my beau's approval) and said that we can feed him everyday, no problem. In the end, my beau just said okay.

I thought we will just be "Eddie's feeding station," considering that he's an indie cat who may not like so much affection and attention but his own dominion of space. But I managed to play with him sometimes or hang out and talk with him while I'm gardening. I got some bites and scratches from him at times, knowing that a street cat is more pensive than housed cats.

After a couple of weeks, Eddie became part of our daily lives and routine. He knew when we wake up and come home from work. He knew when to meow for food and when he can hang out inside the house. He became more relaxed, housed feline. It's not long until he captured us deeply. He easily played the part of being my baby, not betraying my Cappuccino and Espresso back in PH.

We said goodnight and put Eddie at the back porch after midnight of 02 September. The next morning, we were wondering that there was no meow from Eddie for his breakfast. He wesn't around for the first time since he became "housed". We tried to go around our street screaming his name and no answer. I was damn worried but we thought he'd come back that night or the next day for he may got into a fight or something.
Days passed. We tried to look for him everyday. I tried to call him when I'm at home, hoping that he may come back. I tried to avoid thinking of morbidity and worst-case scenarios and stick to the faith that he's alive and will come back home.

14 September -- It was 13 days and I felt dying inside for Eddie. Beau overheard our neighbor talking about a black cat that was found trapped on the ceiling of a vacant house one street away from us. He joined the conversation and he knew it was Eddie. He was found 3 days before by this family and called SPCA (animal rescue in SG). The guy advised my partner to call SPCA immediately because they usually put down a surrendered animal in 2-3 days.

He called. We waited until the next morning to confirm if we can retrieve him.


The next morning came. My partner broke the news to me through an early phone call.

He was put to sleep. We were too late. Eddie is gone.

I just can't organise myself and I cry in confusion, anger, sadness and illogical logic. I cannot wrap my head around the fact. I cannot think of what more we could've done to find him. It was all should, could, would... it was useless to regret anything. After all it was too late.
We tried and failed miserably.

Too many questions in my head.
In the end, it hurts so bad. A love that grew fast has to end earlier. I am afraid that I cannot get through the day. My eyes are constantly wet from holding back more tears at work.

But I have to be strong.

I have to let him go. Like what I did with Orange (my 6-month old ginger kitten who died of feline leukemia). I still cry for Orange who passed away in 2006. This will be the same for Eddie. They will always be missed. They left a special paw in my heart.


Eddie, I love you. Have a great life in Cat Heaven.

See you again.
No goodbyes yet.

And no regrets.



15 July 2009

Baking Flour of a Delectable Dessert Called Love

I just have to write it down.

I have a good mate for years. A guy who is afraid to commit and all he wanted is hot sizzling monkey love with hot chicks that come along. Beyond that, nothing. We had been talking rarely lately but each time we get a chance to talk, same topic. I have moved on from one love story to the other stumbling and winning pinnacles of my life, it is still the same story with him.

I never get bored to listen and converse with him though, because I know that deep inside this guy, is someone who is thinking about something more he wanted and keep on denying that he also needed: someone to love and will love him back. Don't tell me that I am romanticising or over reacting but as a friend, I know better. Not just women think the same. We all are afraid of growing old alone.

He told me one time: "Maybe at some point, I'll find someone who will make me commit." And then the other: "I will never be ready to commit." And then the other: "It's going nowhere but sex is good."

All I hope for is that at some point, he will care enough to admit to himself that this lifestyle is getting tiring. That he won't date for ulterior reasons alone.

So maybe he did.

I saw his Facebook page albeit his status still says "single," I keep on seeing a lot of pictures of him with this woman. I've checked them out and told myself that what I'm thinking "can't be true." But seems like it. Only one way to find out. I sent him a message to ask if that woman in his photos are his "hmmm." He just replied and said "Yup, she's my girlfriend."

I was overwhelmed! The long time I have been hoping for! For 7 years I have known this guy, that G word never ever occurred. I can never be happier!

But I just realised something. Let's measure the flour into two parts:

Sifted

Truth be told, men (or perhaps women) who are commitment-phobic will bend their own rule when that someone comes along. No scientific explanation here but there will always be someone that will knock us off our feet and realise that we have to take this love route and never care about anything else but happiness. That it is worth the risk from leaving your old lifestyle and logic. It is just the way it is. Amazing.

Getting deeper beyond BF-GF stage, some men have their "va-va-voom" moment when they know that this is the woman that they will marry even if they never plan nor think about it ever before. That moment of thunder just comes and captures them. Unfortunately, this never happens all the time. When you know, you know (well, most of the time).

Unsifted

Did my friend really found something special with this woman to finally commit or he lowered his standards and expectations because he realises that his clock is ticking and he's getting old and alone?

Some people resort to "Whatever. I'll just take it even though it doesn't fit well." Because the sale will close tonight. Because the purse is so pretty and it is the wrong colour but you buy it anyway because it is the "in" thing. Because you think that everybody in your group of friends are married but you. Because society said that a small dog in a Louis Vuitton bag are cool though it'll break your bank. Because a sex scandal tape will make you more popular.

Shortchanging won't solve anything. It will make things worse. You don't want to regret anything in your life when you look back.
_________________

I am not saying that you look for perfection anally. All I am saying that you know what fits you. No organised or fucked up society will tell you what to do but you. Besides, the cliche "nobody's perfect" is something to celebrate about. We are all beautifully imperfect and we have a choice. Our own time. Our own real moment.

It's just a little thought to provoke since this is a very interesting topic. I may probably never know what my friend really feels but I hope for the best for him-- that he finally found love and how superfragicalistic it feels.

After all, I care about my friends' happiness. I will always hope for their success, peace, ardor and everything great.

13 July 2009

Positively Cynical: Yours Truly

I am considered a positive, go-getter person but it seems that a cog of my mind is still my old cynical self.

It’s all about puppy love and high school.

I have to confess that I’ve watched High School Musical 1, 2 and last night, 3. I am guilty of patrolling on something cheesy and no-brainer like this!!! Please do not castrate me (oh yeah I can remember I don’t have testicles, but you know what I mean). There are some days where the Disney Empire still runs through my veins and I get curious thus the movie played in my telly tube. Did I enjoy it? Not really.

I rolled my eyes for that “puppy-love-scene-development“ with Gabrielle and Zac’s character… I forgot what the name was. Those seriousness and “forever” theme makes me want to puke at this Generation Juvy (aside from not looking at Vanessa Hudgens the same way again after her sexual undie pics over the ‘net – not judging her but I cannot see a virginal character out of her anymore, to my amusement).

I invited a girl friend over dinner last weekend and we were talking about teenagers (when we were once before as well) thinking that they know everything. As we look back, yes we thought so and we learned everything the hard way. Nothing and no force can control this phenomenon but mistakes that make teenagers fall flat on their faces with lessons of reality, little by little, until they become mature adults (realistically, not everybody grows up though!).

What makes me feel sick about this High School love is that they delude kids that when you love at that age, it is yours forever-- that you won’t live nor survive without that person ever. That you have to beat all odds and be together even you’re miles apart when you go separate ways in college. That you rush things and think of marrying each other, or even falling to sex as early as 13 years of age!

My rant will be endless if I do not stop here. I’m sure you already catch my drift amongst the silver lining that they teach kids that love is powerful blah blah blah. You are still motivating them to be curious about kissing at that tender age and get pregnant in the process!

So, during the HS Musical 3 sequence, I kept on sighing and rolling my eyes on some scenes that involved these 2 movie/reality lovebirds. It comes to show that fantasy of many teenagers that this is the meaning of destiny, clinging on romance and dreams. After all, nobody knew better at that age.

The balloon can be popped once a teenager gets the taste of reality. You become older and hopefully wiser and life goes on. “It takes a lot of frogs to kiss before you will find your Prince Charming.” It’s just not about dating but individual life experiences. You leave the foolish high school-ness and carry on to realise that life is beyond what we knew it was before. That taking steps to the future is always a surprise, but can be strategically organised in a way. Unfortunately, not everybody has this perception. Especially the new generation teens. That media is to be blamed. And yet so maybe movies like this can be blamed partially.

I am afraid to be a parent in the future because of this. I don’t have any idea how my kids will turn out no matter how much I balance parenting and all that. But if I don’t try at some point, I wouldn’t know and I should be taking my own dose of truth: that I will know what to do when I get there; That my present will teach me the way for the future if I am open to life experience. And I always am.

Thus saying that, I will still keep rolling my eyes to juvenile love and deluded teenagers.




I'm trying to get a video parody but nothing seems that appropriate to my taste at the moment.

06 July 2009

A Year of New 'Dos and Haphazarding Observations

I.

It has been a year and 2 days since I came around and got over my painful past and started living life surrounded by good things. I got over so much of the bitterness and anger and gave myself a chance to live peacefully with myself and others. It was a heck of a great journey. Something where I will always look back and feel humbled and blessed.

The biggest wisdom earned: I am not that stupid. Because I know what I want in life and there is no compromise, I made great decisions that ended up so well, I cannot thank this gift of wisdom enough.

II.

Another subject to tackle is that I just observed that in this superficial world, agents and spotters mostly think that only tall people has the X-factor. They settle with so-so looking peeps rather than having pretty shorties. I guess that's why it is superficial. It serves its part of the balance. Like money will make you look good... NOT. If you are fugly, you are fugly as trash with cash goes. (Oi, suck it, Wish.)

Okay, I am having some brain juice draught here but I need to put up some of my little thoughts over the last weekend. I'm out of here.

Life is beautiful. Keep that in mind.

02 July 2009

Clicker and the Colourful Life it Ticks

This is a very late blog from when I had this experience. I went to Manila for a few days so I only had the time to post this here just now.

Last week, June 23rd, I attended Steve Mc Curry's talk sponsored by my company. I just wanted to meet another National Geographic photographer and hear what he says.

I believe that photographers will be at their heights of success, published or unpublished, because they have the "eye". Yes, in this digital age, people have more advantage to click away and get enough good photos because they can review it right away. But coming from traditional film to digital, pro photographers just get better and better with this advantage.

As Steve answered one of my colleague's question, he said that there is no difference between film and digital for him. Digital can just do more than what a film can do but regardless, he said that, "it's not the camera but the photographer." I couldn't agree more.

I saw more of his works while he talked and clicked away slide after slide in his presentation on the projector. I was in awe. I was not surprised though but his style of using colours gives more soul to the picture. A true NatGeo blood. A true gatekeeper of eye capture in a frame.

So I got a quick chance to speak with him, showing me his baby on his mobile phone. It was a lovely cat. Don't we just love mobile phone cameras too... easy to carry a photo album with you!

It was a great experience. It's always great to hear great successful people talk. They earned it because they are talented and is still working hard for it. Quentin Tarantino did it for me too!



Steve Mc Curry is kind enough to bow to my height a little bit


Check out his website at http://www.stevemccurry.com/


Top photo credit: Magnum Photos for Steve Mc Curry's Tailor in Monsoon taken in India, 1983. (Steve said that this guy was being tracked down by the sewing machine company and gave him a new one :) )

29 April 2009

Peter Pan Tinks, Jubilation Uplifts.

Loo. It is a place for thought-provoking realisation of everything that surrounds us. It is a sanctuary for ideas and solutions. It is a place where Hollywood and any powerful people go to release--- figuratively.


That is just my opinion. My brightest ideas came from either my shower, sitting in the toilet (please do not visualise!) or from walking around the streets.


So coming from that statement, I am jet-lagged and reviewing my weeks. I seem to get a grip on things either too tightly or too loosely. Extremes. At the end of each issue or being in the middle of a situation, I tend to internalise immediately and pick the bright light instead.


I can still be high-strung sometimes but it’s being overshadowed by how much grace and calmness I developed throughout the years. I think I am not numb but strengthen by all the experiences I’ve encountered. Horrible as they may seem, the silver lining is bigger than the table it was laid out for.


So, I went to a cubicle and not even feeling like a golden shower, I locked the door. I stood there for 20 seconds and then Peter Pan storybook popped in my head. I went out, washed my hands, looked at my new experimental ‘do and now writing this blog. I just realised about Peter Pan’s famous line “So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!”


Boom. Yes, I now declare a Peter Pan Effect.


That is where I am coming from nowadays. Fine, I can have negative moments but because of my mindset of just focusing on the good things, I seem to bounce back to reality quickly and carry on and do something not to compromise my happiness. And this is how I should live—to be able to carry on with my happiness that I have earned.


No matter how my surrounding can be frustrating or not in the ideal direction as it supposed to be, it is beyond my control. What I can hold is myself and that is not going to be shattered but be built.


“You can fly, you can fly, you can fly!”

14 March 2009

Another Frothy Wisdom from Wish' Teacup

"The best to find the best man for you is not by looking for him, but looking for yourself first."

That's one of the best things I have learned on my journey to peace of mind.

I just said that to my good amiga today, to let her know how important it is to love thyself before loving others. Woman desperately look for love in wrong places, wrong timings and for the wrong reasons. They never realise that love should come from within and for themselves to seize first, before sharing it to the world.

It really has to be a long way before getting to realise this. It even takes so much energy and courage to accept that this is the way the world works. Ego has to be set aside then kick ass in the end. What more boost of an ego to gain a wisdom like this? Too bad that most women oversee and blame the assholic men and never realise that it might be their valid mistake too.

Or maybe it was also the mistake of these assholes too... have to retract back a little bit because the cases are very complex and vast. But in the end, women, also men, have to ask themselves first: "Who am I and what do I really want? Am I worth to be with myself first?"

And I am back to blogging. I should. Too many things to share.



03 February 2009

Re-blogging. Revived.

I disappeared and now I am back.

This is the thing about having a loose philosophy about blogging. You think about writing all the time but you are not really tied up to write just to beat deadlines. I could've written a lot more if not because of my hectic move from one country to another and not having a home connection for almost 2 months.

Ahhh... I lived without the internet... well, at least, at home because I am fully connected with 2 computers in the office but of course, I am good enough to utilise it only for work, and not leisure.

I do not really miss Manila. But I just saw this post from Bates' website (an ad agency in Sg):

Here are the top 20 changes that are happening in The Philippines.

1. From independent to mainstream.
2. From western to OPM.
3. From homosexual to homolingual.
4. From telenovelas to Asianovelas.
5. From messaging to mobile currency.
6. From homemaker to breadwinner.
7. From husband to houseband.
8. From long-haul traveler to local tourist.
9. From saving for tomorrow to living for today.
10. From haute couture to home couture.
11. From living room to cyberspace.
12. From 9 to 5 to 24/7.
13. From friendly ties to family ties.
14. From Maria Clara to femme fatale.
15. From tourists to settlers.
16. From blue collar to blue chip.
17. From flea markets to E-markets.
18. From spectator to spectacle.
19. From talking green to walking green.
20. From colonial mentality to proudly Pinoy.

It is funny and accurately true! I am not patriotic but there are things I can appreciate more about my native homeland when you're looking from afar. It is not as much but things I value morally. Looking from afar also make me feel so happy I'm out of there and I am giving myself more chance to be a global corporate-creative bitch.

I should be updating you more here. I have better chances to write much again now so I'll check in again soon.

Soulful moonchild basking under the sun!
Wish