10 October 2011

Dishing Up Life For My Future Siblings... pt 2

I have abandoned this idea but I should push through. I have another advice for my future siblings.

Life Lesson no. 0002:

If a boy tries to annoy and bully you in school, mostly around Kindergarten or grade school, that means they are crushing on you. They just don't know how to get your attention the best yet.

The P.S. part there is that it will happen for the rest of your life, since some boys never grow up. As you get older and more matured, you can just find it cute rather than annoying.

06 October 2011

40 Days of Rock Climbing Adulthood

Dad in his teenage years...

Things happened. The past happened and now is restarting the future ahead.

Life never stops and wait for you. You have to keep on going because the world turns, the sunrise and sunset inevitably moves along our sorrows and joyfulness.

It has been 40 days after my Daddy died. Details are not important how. The point is that nothing in this world will cure him but my Mom and God. He belongs and deserves freedom from pain and fear. He had suffered enough. His eternal love for Mom cannot be replaced by chemo or the best care I could pay for him.

This is humbling to know that money cannot replace life. Life happens at our humblest moments. You know why the “rock bottom” is hard? Because it stops us from falling further down to the bowels of hell. Hell no.

I almost hit rock bottom when I realize that Dad’s gone. That we don’t have any more parents. But I guess having my brother, sisters, niece and nephew softened the impact and made me stand up easily. But it will never be the same. No parents. Orphans. No safety net. Time to take the highest form of adulthood. This never occurs until your parents leave for heaven. It’s not sufficient to state it in words. Nobody would understand unless you’re sailing on the same boat as other orphans.

It doesn’t help that I am the Daddy’s girl. Sometimes it hits me and I still question or recall what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve… And I don’t have any explanation why it hits me from time to time. My mum had always been hurting my heart 4 years after she passed so I know that I have to just feel these melancholy moments for me to be able to let go and carry on.

Today, I thought that Steve Jobs will be welcomed by my Dad and others who passed because of cancer up there… wherever they are. No more pain.

Hi Dad, how's it going up there? Thanks for watching after me... I love you Dad.

14 September 2011

Monotone Rainbow Up In The Search Engine

There are so many contrasts of people, generations and trends. I had a question in my head:

"Is it me, or is it the generation, or is it the age?" - Thinking about this question now, I negated my own self. I am sure people ask the same things most of the time especially this.

I was cynical of the future youth. But studying in Italy last year changed my mind. My conclusion was that there is hope in the future-- having met young and bubbly people who live life like a party and are university achievers.

As I go to one workplace to another, that's where I get more exposed to younger employees... and I've been in that position too. Would you really compare then and now? Or I should go back to my law of individuality that you are what you choose.

Younger generation have more tools to play around and expand worlds. Development and even typing didn't need typewriting ribbons or liquid papers anymore. Not generalising but most convenience of technology today is making kids lazy.

They are lazy to talk face to face.
They are lazy to climb trees and play tag under scorching heat.
They are lazy to learn harder; Google is always there.
They are lazy.

This laziness causes people to take things for granted. They think that the world will never end as long as they're connected online. They look at books funnily. They don't need to store information in their heads because their mighty smartphone will always give them an answer.

This laziness stops juvenile professionals to work harder, to learn harder, to perform harder. A little pebble on the road seems like a complete tsunami disaster to them. They don't put fire into their eyes. Because technology is available.

I am upset. I am sad. But I am not lazy to feel those.

My own fire is constantly burning. This fire will be scorching for a while to hopefully turn things around. That's the only thing I can do for these juvenile generation. Teach them to grow up. That technology is not God, it's a tool from God to be used smartly.

Relaxed is good, lazy is ho-hum.

I am a geek. But I live. How about you?

21 May 2011

What can kill you will make you... weaker? I still refuse: Cancerous Mind.

A few moments ago, I just found out that my dad has a colon cancer. I had to write but now by doing this, I don't know what to say. Staring blankly at my screen in my dim bunker room, too many things are racing in my head.

These tears are gravely watched by my own soul as it tries to find answers on why does this have to happen. My mum died a sudden, unexpected, mysterious death and now, my dad's condition has a common name that everyone recognise: CANCER.

I thought it was only a horoscope zodiac sign. I've met a lot of people who survived it, who's got a family loss out of it and others who passed away because of it. It's been a clichè you keep on hearing that "it's not going to happen to us" but it did somehow.

You just can't say in this world what's good or bad, what's the standard truth to avoid this amongst other diseases.

Our body's just... fragile, no matter how strong or weak you are. But it's your soul that could transcend an amazing amount of courage and power to make sure that you live.


I may not make much sense but this is the way to get past through this news and make sure I am strong enough and my mind's STILL positive enough to say that this is not the end.

Friends, please call. It will mean a lot.


16 January 2011

Dishing Up Life For My Future Siblings...

I have an idea to get back into blogging. It doesn't mean that I have run out of ideas to write. It's just that I do not kick myself much to get on into this more regularly. I don't want this obligation but I should continue to impart thoughts and inspirations to people who wanted some direction from an outer source to get back into their inner soul after.

I just thought that I should be writing something that will be a time capsule for my future children. At their generation, this blogging practice must be like an old locked diary for them to explore what their mums and dads were during their younger days. So I should start now, one lesson, one advice, one funny thought and one ideas at a time.

Life lesson no 0001:

Do not bring your first date in Thai, Chinese or Indian restaurant.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE these cultural dishes (I just ate at a great Thai restaurant tonight). It's just that you don't want to have a bad breath from spices or get a "run", just in case. Best foot forward!

24 June 2010

Tower of Babel Gag Complex

The power of language.

People who know me are aware that I love languages. I really put my best effort to learn at least the basics but I have a lot of insecurities while speaking them. I'd rather write and chat in a strange language than speaking it loudly. I am always afraid to be wrong or to feel that I am not respecting the language properly and that is a big problem.

I have self-taught myself a few languages like Spanish or French and others have been taught by my friends or couchsurfers that come along my way: Polish, Dutch, German, Swiss, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, Mandarin, Thai, Czech... so on and so forth.

I don't consider myself as a polyglot though. Basics of different languages is not enough for me to be crowned a polyglot. I am so far from it. My obssessiveness hinders me to make a mistake so I usually freeze or just shut up. Some people will try and try and don't care if they're wrong. I wish I am as bold as that. How could I?

I address this "wish's achilles heel." I am constantly trying to be great at my Italian language. I have started to study 2 years ago and a few times, I almost gave up. I feel like I am not catching up as fast as I should. I am afraid and I panic. Technically, I'm almost well-equipped with fair structural and vocabulary capabilities but in my world, it is not enough. I've got to speak and understand it better.

Thus, I am blessed to be given a chance by the Director of the Italian Cultural Institute of Singapore to be one of the chosen students to get a scholarship to study in Italy. I just got my letter of acceptance from University of Siena for Foreigners. I will study there for a month... in Tuscany! It is my dream and now, it'll be a reality in a few months' time.

This will fix my achilles heel and I'd be able to focus and process a foreign language better and stronger without fear. I will expect something great out of this. I really should.

And I am putting another pressure in my head... I've got to stop.

I have to enjoy this journey to Italian language proficiency. This is something to be proud of.

Things happen for a reason and I guess Tower of Babel wasn't built in a day but God changed people's tongues in a flash... and that's where chaos before peace started...

Spero essere brava subito!

17 June 2010

The Moment of Gratefulness with Braces On

click for better appreciation of the reasonable killer bunny

For most of the Singaporeans my age, they have not seen a flood ever in their lives until yesterday along the CBD area, the popular central proper, Orchard Road. The flood swallowed much of a Starbucks branch, Massimo Dutti, Hermès, Lucky Plaza, among the rest of the roads and lots there.

I am fascinated how frazzled everybody are, understanding that this is uncommon for this city state with amazing infrastructure and efficiency. It is very unsettling yet funny to see how this event unfolds looking through the forums and article comments posted on the internet regarding this.

I have to comment on one first... I understand that some cars got swept away or trapped within the flooded areas. Other motorists could have prevented the car damage by NOT even attempting to drive their automatic cars with full computer/electronic technology right through the flood. But how would they know that this will stall their cars, shutting those computers dead? Nobody told them, since they don't need 'the flood emergency guide for dummies' book, right?

If I sound like I am bashing, I am not. Again, this is my blog and I am an observer of the universe of my own opinion.

Then, citizens started to blame everything they can think of under the sun: the government, ministries, town councils, foreign workers, unemployment, low salary, city development, the Marina Barrage, China women stealing local husbands from local wives (eh?!) etcetera of the weird kind. Others have more valid opinions like global warming or suspicion/theory of canal failure etcetera, with valid data and scientific reference.

Some sensibilities kick in when others just say to move on and tackle the problem to solve it, expecting that it can happen again.

Being spoiled and naive is helpful at times: you can live a comfortable life. But once naivety falls into unknown circumstances, people forget the 101 good things and focus on one bad thing that may just be a "normal" situation in less-fortunate countries. In short, it's too easy for people to take things for granted.

That's the best thing about most third-world countries. They are more resilient and grateful for a morsel of hope and a pinch of positivity and learned how to smile at the worse of tragedies.

Singapore is a great country. It has some flaws but its flaws are never as bad as the rest of us. If you oppose me, I don't give a damn. I just know how to appreciate little things that makes life worth every breathing moment.