You wouldn't know what a trauma is until you experience it.
You will only get an idea what is someone going through but you wouldn't really feel how it's like to be trapped in an incident like what I had experienced. I thought I'll go past through this hard but quick... it leaves a blueprint somewhere you can't dig. I feel better now after knowing he's miraculously safe. He got out of the ICU, can talk and speak normally, face still pretty, right hand under therapy, broken ribs and spine healing through time, internal organs saved. One word is "alive".
As my friend said, I am exonorated. It's not easy to be the topic of the people around you and accusing you of a foul play. They do not understand. They do not know the details... or refuse to know the truth. The father saw the 3 locations where he jumped. We didn't know how tall the wall was on the 7th until that visit and until the guard told me how tall it was. I am glad he said his piece and why he did it.
This trauma is not even a battle scar. I can't describe much how it is building and breaking me. It left that weird feeling that I try to fight against. I can't live my life in fear of danger, or else I wouldn't be able to live my life as it is.
I am about to see the days as bright as it was before. Little by little. Strangely comforting at times and some moments, oddly horrifying. I thanks all the times I can manage to laugh and smile again naturally.
People are beautiful. I hope they realise it too.
Now, I hope this blog will go back to normal.