13 October 2009

Cracks in the Pavement Monologue

I keep on delaying once more to write and update my blog posts. It's not about procrastination but connection. It seems that whenever I feel like I have something smart to write, I am away from access. My ponder state of being usually happens in commute, walks or anywhere away from technology.

I have to get a netbook then.

Okay. Another material quest goes on. What is new? It seems that we always have a need for something. But is it a part of improving yourself? Upgrading one's material system?

Some people live contented with whatever they have and will only get what they need and avoid the wants. Some just want, want, want, not consoling what they need so it conceals the real things. Who are obssessed with money? The worriers.

I honestly keep on thinking about money. Worried that I don't have enough to get the through the month, the year, the future. I have always been like this even during my fruitful years because I made myself self-reliant, that I 'shouldn't' depend on anybody but myself. The control freak in me just made it so robust that I have to keep up with my focal expectations.

Though being aware of this, it is not too late to change ways. I need to relax more. I am actually okay with everything. It's just that I am not the saving-everything-in-the-bank-and-starve-myself-of-what-life-has-to-offer type. I have enough to pay all my bills on-time, travel as much as I could, eat good food and give myself a few treats at times and most importantly, set aside a fund for my future.

So why am I worried again? Maybe I have to control the control freak in me. My world is great. It is not perfect but I achieved the nirvana before, why can't I continue to do so?

The focal point is happiness. I am going astray through a professional suicide episode. Some things are just not on your side but that doesn't mean you cannot fight for it and go back to where you want to be. I just needed more cranial exercise to challenge myself in the workforce. Nobody will hand it to me so I have to hand it to them. Just sail through the right direction. Flaws will shape your new clay of experience. Seize it and make sure you mold it into a precious porcelain.

You may not know what I am ranting about but that's just the way it is. As always.

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