01 June 2010

Popping the Q by Firing Squad

There are so many articles and debates about the word “cheating.” Millions of points of view can sway you here and there with the different spectrum of angles coming from men, women, gays, parents, the church etcetera.

So don’t get me started on this because I am just another teenie voice to the whole universe of thoughts and opinions.

But what is what we call “universally right”?

It is all about the guilt factor for me. Yet, some people acclaim they have no conscience as they do it. Denial is guilt. Reasons why they do it falls into the guilt category too.

This will be a long story of opinions and contradictions so I’ll stop here.

I am just relieved of Bear* (*not his real name) not popping the question yet to his long-term partner after knowing that he’s on his way to Bali tomorrow for almost a week, I needed to confirm if this is a proposal trip in which he said no and it’s for a conference. I felt relieved for him.

Why do I worry? I felt the sense of responsibility knowing Bear is a friend who is not near walking down the aisle yet. Nowhere near.

He’s been given a deadline to either propose and get married or end it. And he’s got 30 days left. It’s now a matter of going with it since he undoubtedly love her but not enough to make him stray a few times within the relationship. Not a third party story but some one-night adventures along the way. How do you call it? Fast thrill cheats.

The woman needed it for status. It’s attached to her culture to be married now at her age of 28 and has been living in with a man and in a relationship for 3 years. She cannot risk waiting so it’s either ‘marry-or-leave-so-I-can-find-someone-else-to-marry-me’ situation. She loves him undoubtedly but status comes first.

I have seen long-term couples who break up because the woman wanted to marry and the guy doesn’t at one stage in their relationship. That’s where everything breaks apart.

That’s pressure. When pressure is too much, it creates cracks.

I am interestingly observing this helix of conscious and subconscious consequences in a real-life comicbook. As I turn the pages, I anticipate what is drawn and said in the next panels. I am afraid for the both of them. As much as I try to look at things positively, I cannot deny the facts. Bear is stuck with the thought that he may be missing something better and looks further without appreciating that the best may just be the one in front of him already. That he is strongly influenced by his surroundings to the fact that men are naturally made to spread their seeds. That as it makes sense that you won’t really get some libido out of your system, therefore, you should continue to harvest. That’s it.

I am excited as well as hesitant to see him in 5 years’ time. These ideals can evolve to something good or bad and shouldn’t be a constant state of being. All I can think of now is to halt his wedding if it occurs.

I am also telling myself: what if the marriage and building a family will make him realise that this is what he wanted? That this is not so bad after all to commit to for the rest of his life? That it will be a blessing in disguise for him to go through the matrimony and turn his life around?

Who do I kid though? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? Cinderella?

I believe that we all have a justification from all choices we make in each outlook that we believe in. Once you set your mind into something, that is what you live by. When you decide that this is one potato, you perceive one potato picture in your mind. There’s always a hole in that justification to alter things but when you’re fully decided that that moment, you are concrete.

It is indeed, attracting the universe. You attract what you want and it happens in different avenues, streets and hallways.

Going back to Bear. He’s got his mind set that he cannot get the thrill of sexual experiences around enough that he will stop because he may tie the knot. His surroundings that are on this act for so long justify the mean that this is an option.

He already ordered a very beautiful, pricey diamond ring from Tiffany’s. Part of the status.

The last time I have spoken to him, things are inconsistent. As much as he fights his conscience, there’s a good, romantic guy in there. It just doesn’t shine through at this time yet.

I hope it won’t be too late for him. Set aside the bullshit timeline.

30 days. I can’t help but wonder. I’ll probably find out through an SMS within 30 days.

I still have good faith in people. But if it’s all about status, then leave me alone.

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