24 June 2010

Tower of Babel Gag Complex

The power of language.

People who know me are aware that I love languages. I really put my best effort to learn at least the basics but I have a lot of insecurities while speaking them. I'd rather write and chat in a strange language than speaking it loudly. I am always afraid to be wrong or to feel that I am not respecting the language properly and that is a big problem.

I have self-taught myself a few languages like Spanish or French and others have been taught by my friends or couchsurfers that come along my way: Polish, Dutch, German, Swiss, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, Mandarin, Thai, Czech... so on and so forth.

I don't consider myself as a polyglot though. Basics of different languages is not enough for me to be crowned a polyglot. I am so far from it. My obssessiveness hinders me to make a mistake so I usually freeze or just shut up. Some people will try and try and don't care if they're wrong. I wish I am as bold as that. How could I?

I address this "wish's achilles heel." I am constantly trying to be great at my Italian language. I have started to study 2 years ago and a few times, I almost gave up. I feel like I am not catching up as fast as I should. I am afraid and I panic. Technically, I'm almost well-equipped with fair structural and vocabulary capabilities but in my world, it is not enough. I've got to speak and understand it better.

Thus, I am blessed to be given a chance by the Director of the Italian Cultural Institute of Singapore to be one of the chosen students to get a scholarship to study in Italy. I just got my letter of acceptance from University of Siena for Foreigners. I will study there for a month... in Tuscany! It is my dream and now, it'll be a reality in a few months' time.

This will fix my achilles heel and I'd be able to focus and process a foreign language better and stronger without fear. I will expect something great out of this. I really should.

And I am putting another pressure in my head... I've got to stop.

I have to enjoy this journey to Italian language proficiency. This is something to be proud of.

Things happen for a reason and I guess Tower of Babel wasn't built in a day but God changed people's tongues in a flash... and that's where chaos before peace started...

Spero essere brava subito!

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