06 October 2011

40 Days of Rock Climbing Adulthood

Dad in his teenage years...

Things happened. The past happened and now is restarting the future ahead.

Life never stops and wait for you. You have to keep on going because the world turns, the sunrise and sunset inevitably moves along our sorrows and joyfulness.

It has been 40 days after my Daddy died. Details are not important how. The point is that nothing in this world will cure him but my Mom and God. He belongs and deserves freedom from pain and fear. He had suffered enough. His eternal love for Mom cannot be replaced by chemo or the best care I could pay for him.

This is humbling to know that money cannot replace life. Life happens at our humblest moments. You know why the “rock bottom” is hard? Because it stops us from falling further down to the bowels of hell. Hell no.

I almost hit rock bottom when I realize that Dad’s gone. That we don’t have any more parents. But I guess having my brother, sisters, niece and nephew softened the impact and made me stand up easily. But it will never be the same. No parents. Orphans. No safety net. Time to take the highest form of adulthood. This never occurs until your parents leave for heaven. It’s not sufficient to state it in words. Nobody would understand unless you’re sailing on the same boat as other orphans.

It doesn’t help that I am the Daddy’s girl. Sometimes it hits me and I still question or recall what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve… And I don’t have any explanation why it hits me from time to time. My mum had always been hurting my heart 4 years after she passed so I know that I have to just feel these melancholy moments for me to be able to let go and carry on.

Today, I thought that Steve Jobs will be welcomed by my Dad and others who passed because of cancer up there… wherever they are. No more pain.

Hi Dad, how's it going up there? Thanks for watching after me... I love you Dad.

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